Fear

The appointment with the Neurosurgeon is next week, and boy did that come up fast! The fear is starting to creep in, and I am going to be honest, I am scared.

I remember when the topic of brain surgery was first brought up, and the first fear that came to mind was that they were going to shave part of my head (a girl’s hair means a lot to her). You would think that the first thought that would cross someone’s mind is, “Whoa, they are taking a part of my brain out!” For me, this fear is still real, but I know now that hair grows back, and it means that my seizures can be reduced; it took a lot of perspective to accept that.

The fear of the unknown is something that paralyzes me in most aspects of life; I am afraid to try new things because of my fear of failing. This summer has been amazing for me in the fact that I have tried new things, and have been less afraid to jump into situations not knowing the outcome. In regards to surgery, I don’t know when the surgery will take place, how long the recovery will be, and if I can attend fall semester at college. My education is very important to me, and my hope is to have surgery and be ready for fall semester - I would take a smaller class load. I can hope for the best, but whatever happens is meant to be.