After Surgery and Getting Ready to Come Home

Surgery on Monday went very well from both mine and my Neurosurgeon's perspective. I have a total of 40 staples along the incision line, and a drain that collects fluid. Yesterday was a bit difficult for me, because I was having problems with nausea and extremely low blood pressure. I am stabilized now, moved out of the ICU into a regular hospital room, and am awaiting discharge. I have already been up for a morning stroll. So far, I have had no neurological deficits and no seizure activity since surgery. :)

Surgery is Almost Here!

This has been, and will continue to be an emotional week for me. It’s my last week of summer to live it up before surgery. I didn’t realize how big of a deal this was until people from church prayed and talked to me.

I wouldn’t say that I haven’t had moments of weakness this week, because it is perfectly natural to feel the emotions that I am feeling right now: stressed, scared, nervous, anxious, etc. I found myself getting teary-eyed throughout the day I met with the Neurosurgeon because things were officially real. Surgery will take several hours, and the process of it is terrifying to think of (I won’t go into all of the scary details). It goes back to the topic of trust – trusting God, and my Neurosurgeon; I can’t let this scare me because I am in great hands.

I got a call today from the Neurosurgeon’s office saying that I have to be at the hospital at 5:15 AM this upcoming Monday. I am going to be honest here…I don’t know how to feel about surgery. People ask me how I am feeling, and my response is, “I’m not sure, but I am sure that I won’t be sleeping Sunday night!” Even though surgery is days away, it still seems pretty distant to me. It will hit me the day of, when we are driving to the hospital. At that moment, I will have the answer to the question everyone is asking me: Are you scared?

 Keep me in your prayers!

Surgery Date

The Neurosurgeon's office called, and surgery is set for the 29th of this month!!!

Meeting with the Neurosurgeon

I met with the Neurosurgeon today, and I liked him right away. His dry sense of humor clicked well with mine; the way he explained things was easy for me to understand, while making sure that I saw the big picture at the same time. I learned more about the human brain in a 15 minute appointment than I ever have before! We discussed my case, and hopefully he can get me in as soon as possible, so that I can recover and be ready for fall semester of school.

At the appointment, my eyes were opened to the reality of surgery; the topic that was once in the future is finally here. My original idea that I had thought of for surgery was quite different than what the Neurosurgeon proposed to me today. I thought that they would shave part of my hair above my right ear, and make the incision for surgery. Today, he said that the location of the malformation involves an incision on the top of my head in the shape of the letter C, but hidden and small (it won’t be too noticeable). I had some peace about having part of my hair shaved! Also, I was told that they will be cutting part of the muscle on my jaw in the process, so I will have to work my way up from easy to eat food, to normal food.

After the appointment, I felt so overwhelmed about the whole situation. I was paying attention to what he was telling me, but the feeling of fear hit me, and I felt sick to my stomach. It is a lot to process, and I don’t know how to feel about it. The exact date for surgery is not set, but it will hopefully be very soon!

Fear

The appointment with the Neurosurgeon is next week, and boy did that come up fast! The fear is starting to creep in, and I am going to be honest, I am scared.

I remember when the topic of brain surgery was first brought up, and the first fear that came to mind was that they were going to shave part of my head (a girl’s hair means a lot to her). You would think that the first thought that would cross someone’s mind is, “Whoa, they are taking a part of my brain out!” For me, this fear is still real, but I know now that hair grows back, and it means that my seizures can be reduced; it took a lot of perspective to accept that.

The fear of the unknown is something that paralyzes me in most aspects of life; I am afraid to try new things because of my fear of failing. This summer has been amazing for me in the fact that I have tried new things, and have been less afraid to jump into situations not knowing the outcome. In regards to surgery, I don’t know when the surgery will take place, how long the recovery will be, and if I can attend fall semester at college. My education is very important to me, and my hope is to have surgery and be ready for fall semester - I would take a smaller class load. I can hope for the best, but whatever happens is meant to be.

Experiencing Life

It hasn't quite hit me that I will be having brain surgery. People ask me if I am scared, and my response is, "Not yet." When it's time for my appointment with the Neurosurgeon, reality will sink in. Like everything in life, trusting God and giving it all to Him is how I stay strong. 

Brain surgery is something that people hear and automatically think,"Whoa, that's scary!" Yes, it is scary. There are complications and risks that can happen, but I decided to accept the challenges that will come because my health is so important to me. How many people my age would turn down a dream of a study abroad? Not very many. 

When I sat down in the Doctor's office for my first appointment with my Epileptologist, I didn't know that I would be making some of the hardest decisions of my life. For example: not going to France, pursuing testing for brain surgery, and deciding not to work this summer. I prayed before that appointment and asked God to help me make the right decision- putting my wants aside. Surgery was God's plan all along - not my selfish desires. 

For the first time in my life, I have experienced life and tried new things. I bought my first plane ticket, and road tripped home. I booked my first hotel room, and talked down the price ;). I bought concert tickets to see Macklemore on a whim. My summer has been jam-packed, and I've grown so much. I wouldn't have it any other way!